I want to introduce you to the woman who saved me whilst I stayed in Bali and underwent ozone and IV vitamin therapy for chronic Lyme disease and co-infections.
She has changed the way I live my life, approach physical and emotional healing and spirituality.
I landed in Bali with so many expectations for the coming months that I truly believed would consist of dramatic, miraculous healing! But as you are aware if you have been following my journey, my trip turned out to be a very different experience.
How can this be so! I do everything right, I think positively ALWAYS, I diligently write down all my intentions for my life and healing and created a gigantic 2 page manifestation list for my trip to Bali which clearly stated I WILL ARRIVE HOME WELL AND AT 100%! I repeat daily ‘I am healthy, I am healed, I am strong, I am well’ and I visualise myself in optimal health daily, running along the beach, surfing, dancing, power walking, glowing, laughing, studying, working as a nutritional therapist, preparing healing and nourishing food for others and travelling. I am not gonna lie, I am in tears writing this. I also do my gratitude practice daily, because there is always so so SO much to be grateful for, I ask for guidance from angels and since my trip to Bali I now like to pray to god.
Now these are all wonderful habits to integrate into your life and healing regime, don’t get me wrong. They serve an important purpose. But I think many people on their healing journeys have been scared into the belief that if even a tiny negative thought creeps into their mind, this will attract a negative situation (the law of attraction anyone?) I fell into this trap. For so long I have bottled up any negative emotions or thoughts that surface when dealing with a chronic illness. They have to eventually come out and it is important to really feel them in the moment, sit with them, surrender to them, accept them so that you can move forward. It is not dwelling on these thoughts and emotions but accepting that in this present moment this is how I feel and feeling like this serves a purpose also. Nothing is permanent, everything is ever changing.
Being in Bali and having everything NOT go to plan was extremely difficult for me. I am a control freak. I like to practice the law of attraction to make my dreams a reality (don’t we all.) I am forever an optimist. But in my darkest hours it became challenging to maintain this. In my darkest hours my spiritual guide Anita Moorjani came into my life, through an audio book. No real life meetings here unfortunately. This woman is incredible and I cannot recommend her book or audio book ‘Dying To Be Me – My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing’ enough. Read about her story here. She had a near death experience and had the most profound insights. Anita’s story spoke to me and came at just the right time. She helped me let go of all the expectations I had for my trip in Bali. Her words helped me to trust and allow the experience I was destined to have unfold. It also made me realise that concealing my true emotions with artificial positive emotions was rather counter-productive. It is OK to feel these negative emotions, it is natural.
“The state of pure allowing seems like the place where most positive change can occur. Let yourself be you, no matter who you are, embracing anything that makes you feel alive.”
ALTHOUGH I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT the best thing I can do for myself and others is to consciously keep myself uplifted and do what makes me feel happy, you may be surprised to learn that I don’t advocate “positive thinking” as a blanket prescription. It’s true that since all of life is connected, keeping myself in high spirits has a larger impact, as it is also what I’m putting out to the Whole.
However, if and when I notice negative thoughts creeping in, it seems best to allow them to pass through with acceptance and without judgment. When I try to suppress or force myself to change my feelings, the more I push them away, the more they push back. I just allow it all to flow through me, without judgment, and I find that the thoughts and emotions will pass. As a result, the right path for me unfolds in a totally natural way, letting me be who I truly am.
Sweeping statements such as: “Negative thoughts attracts negativity in life” aren’t necessarily true, and can make people who are going through a challenging time feel even worse. It can also create fear that they’re going to attract even more negativity with their thoughts. Using this idea indiscriminately often makes people going through seemingly tough times feel as though they’re bad for attracting such events, and that’s just not true. If we start to believe that it’s just our negative thoughts that are creating any unpleasant situations, we can become paranoid about what we’re thinking. On the contrary, it actually has less to do with our thoughts than with our emotions, especially what we feel about ourselves.”
– Anita Moorjani from Dying To Be Me
It is hard to put into words how significant this shift was for me, to let go of control. Anita made me realise how much I had been living in fear, particularly since receiving a Lyme diagnosis. A lot of the decisions I made were through fear, fear of the illness getting worse, fear of never recovering, fear of these organisms living inside of me. The fear was so intense I was trying to do multiple healing protocols at the same time in fear of one not working. If only I could trust in my body’s inner wisdom instead of always seeking for answers from external sources. I now have so much trust in my path and that everything is perfect. I am learning to be gentle and kind to my body and only do what feels good instead of forcing what intuitively feels wrong is or something I think I ‘should’ do.
Here are some major points Anita makes that I would like to list:
Act out of LOVE, not FEAR!
Being true to ourselves is more important than staying positive.
Be yourself, ALWAYS. Honor who you truly are.
Stop seeking so much outside yourself and trust your inner wisdom.
Allow and trust in the process of life.
Everything is unfolding as it should, everything is perfect.
Do what brings you joy and makes you happy.
Here are a few quotes from Anita Moorjani.
“The biggest shift we can make is to make every decision from a place of love, and not because we feel fear of not getting ahead, or not having enough money and so on. For instance, when you choose everything you do from a place of love, then everything you eat, you will eat it because you love the food or because you love your body, or you love your health or you love your life… and not because of some fear such as, “If I don’t eat this, I’ll be unhealthy” or “If I eat that, I’ll become fat.” – Anita Moorjani
“I now also understand that I don’t have to work at being spiritual. Being spiritual is who we are at our core, whether we realise it or not. It is our true nature, so we cannot not be spiritual. Being “ourselves” and being spiritual are one and the same thing.” – Anita Moorjani
“If I do not express my authenticity, the Universe will be deprived of who I came here to be.” – Anita Moorjani
“I knew that was really the only purpose of life: to be our self, live our truth, and be the love that we are.” – Anita Moorjani
Learning to let go and live in this new state of being is something I am working on everyday. I am constantly checking in with myself.
My current mantras are : GENTLE, FLOW, SURRENDER, ACCEPTANCE, MAKE EVERY DECISION FROM A PLACE OF LOVE, BE YOURSELF, INNER WISDOM, ALLOW, TRUST, BE AUTHENTIC, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND BRINGS YOU JOY.
Want some tips on how to tap into that inner wisdom? Here are some tips from Anita.
“In my book “Dying to be Me”, I speak about not giving our power away to external sources by constantly seeking and searching for all our answers outside, but to awaken the dormant guru within our own self instead, as we all hold our answers within. Recently, someone asked me whether I had any advice on how they could awaken that dormant guru within, as they were starting to feel lost and confused with the barrage of (conflicting) information that was coming at them from all directions.
I have a very simple rule of thumb on how to awaken our inner guru, and not give our power away. Even if the information is coming from an external source (whether a book, a person of authority, or the internet), if this information is making my heart sing, if it makes me feel alive and inspired, if it makes me feel empowered, magnificent, liberated and free, then it means that this information is true for me, because it is speaking to my heart. This information is awakening my own inner guru.
However, if the information I am being given (whether from a book, the internet or a “spiritual authority”) is making me feel fearful, small, limited, or that I have to “work at earning spiritual favor”, then I run a mile in the opposite direction. Buying into other people’s fear-based, limiting beliefs and making them our own is what it means to give our power away.
Nature intended for us to feel strong, empowered, liberated and free; not fearful, small and limited!
Our only purpose is to fearlessly be a full expression of who we came here to be!
When we truly realize this, we will start to attract the right information, the right gurus, and the right teachers at the right time, who will endorse this truth.”
– Anita Moorjani
Have you noticed yourself making decisions out of fear? Have you been afraid of thinking negatively out of fear of attracting negative situations in your life? Do Anita’s insights make you take a big sigh of relief like they did for me?
I now think it is time to fill you all in on the details of the remainder of my trip in Bali. Unfortunately I experienced a second health scare 2 weeks before leaving Bali. A very sudden onset of severe symptoms that led me to seek medical care at the Ubud 24 hour clinic in the middle of the night and left me in bed for days. What happened is still a mystery and it has been difficult to find a doctor that will take my situation seriously. I will elaborate further in my next post.
Until then, sending love to you all, Amy x